This past October 7th began like any other day, but it would end with emptiness and thoughts of ‘what now’, that persists. It’s taken nearly a week for me to gather the words. Half part coming out of a writer’s block and the other half that constant voice in my head. The voice that sounds like Monica Roberts saying, “We need your voice?” It was something she often said to me in the early days of my writing whenever I was disheartened by the division in our community, the apathy, the unsurmountable obstacles that stand in the way of countless trans people worldwide, or the news of yet another tragic death of a trans woman; “We need your voice.”

I logged onto Facebook as I started my uneventful day and there it was. The first post of my day. Not that “oh wow, look at that” vibe, more like “OMFG’ vibe. A simple post that screamed at me. “oh no, this can’t be, Monica Roberts has passed.” Passed? What in the world in this fake news, misinformation era we all found ourselves in have I come across? Had she been hacked? I quickly went to her page, all while thinking “when was the last time I heard from Monica?” Oh yes, last week, I shared a post from her and she wrote to me with her thoughts on the current election. So this can’t be real, but there it was, another post, then another. By the time I had made it to possibly the 50th post with thoughts of sorrow, I was in tears. My partner walked in from a trip to the store around this time and rushed to me asking what was wrong. Monica has passed. Possibly the greatest trans activist of our day is with us no more.

Immediately I hear that voice of hers and wondered, did she ever think I found my voice? You see, while most will say Monica Roberts was the greatest transgender advocate of our day, that’s not entirely complete. It was much more. She was an advocate for the advocates. There’s not an activist, blogger, community leader, elected trans official, actress, model, trans singer or artist, that hadn’t been touched or influenced by her. Obviously and most sadly, not all had come in contact with her, but I dare say you would be hard-pressed to find any of those mentioned above that hasn’t.

My first contact came shortly after the re-election of Obama in 2012. I had dedicated so much free time to volunteering for that campaign in Charleston South Carolina, that I now found myself empty. I turned to blog after connecting with her in a group discussing the importance of that election. My fifth post, an expose of a former roommate of mine that had become a National spokesperson for Pfox. They had moved beyond mere conversion therapy of gay and lesbian men and women, to promoting conversion therapy of transgender people. There on the cover of their latest materials, stacked on my nightstand sent to me, was my former trans roommate, who was now trying to “convert” me to their cult. The propaganda was outrageous, filled with lies that I knew from first-hand experience wasn’t the truth. I never thought anyone would really read my thoughts about this. I had longed for my closest family and friends to at least acknowledge it, but they never did. Yet, Monica Roberts did. Not only did she read it, but she signaled boosted it on her award-winning blog, Trans Griot, with thousands of followers. Needless to say, I was floored. I may have thanked her a dozen times. It felt so good to be acknowledged, this being around my 5th blog post and the readership at the time was literally half a dozen or so. After Monica’s first signal boost, there were a few more over the years, as my readership jumped into the thousands.

This started my online friendship with Monica Roberts, and I’d grow to admire and be greatly influenced by her. My readers know I write about the importance of trans unity in our community. It’s the core of all my writings. This was due largely to Monica. She was the most outspoken trans woman of color we had, speaking, advocating, blogging on the countless transgender women murdered constantly. The representation of Trans people of Color, without Monica Roberts, would be a quarter of the representation we have today.

Over the next couple of years, my relationship online with Monica continued to grow. She worked with me administrating a few FB groups connected to TMP and the TransMusePlanet page. We began talking occasionally on the phone. She was always longing to be of help. Simply saying she served the trans community would be an understatement of our genderation. During those two years, she became my un-official publisher. I would not publish an article without first having Monica Roberts’s opinion. Honestly, I think I actually became somewhat of a nuisance lol. It was during these times I would hear her start to say, “I can’t wait to hear your voice, Sabrina.” What did that mean I had wondered. Were my thoughts not reflecting my voice? I may have over analyzed those words a million times. Most of all, why was it so important? Because that was Monica Roberts.

Her contributions to the upliftment of trans people across the board were unchallenged. “Monica doesn’t support her community”, was something I seriously doubt was ever said, even by her worse critics. Any and every trans person with a platform was connected, influenced, inspired, changed, helped, and supported by Monica. It leaves me now with the thought, did she ever know that? I pray she did or at least suspected. Her very words of trans rights, our vote, our dignity, had spoken volumes to all of us for so many years now.

I knew of other bloggers that I had come into contact with because of her. We had to connect in those days to share info. Yes, it was only 2012-2015 but even just 8 years ago it was a totally different world for Trans America. When finding trans movies on Netflix, by searching LGBT, you may come across one that month. If you were lucky. When it pertained to transgender people of color or transgender men stories, you’d find yourself searching endlessly on google for the latest articles.

It was rare to find current reads. Articles on trans people of color, or trans men, were months old when you did find them. When you expressed this to Monica, who knew and wrote often about our under-representation, there were those words again, “We need your voice, Sabrina” or “I can’t wait for you to find your voice, Sabrina”. It was her call to action. To speak up. To be visible. To make this path of a trans life just one molecule better for the ones that followed. She did that, for everyone.

Whenever a new trans actress began working, she was there to promote their work and got the community behind them. Whenever there was a trans singer emerging on the music scene, she was the one that encouraged the community to support them. Whenever there was a Transgender murder not represented correctly in the media, she was the one that called them out and got the community to do so as well. If there was trans activism concerning a certain topic going on, she got everyone behind them. It wasn’t that she was just an advocate herself. She was an advocate for the advocates. She was our motivator and our inspiration. She kept those blogging and speaking, encouraged them to continue writing and speaking. When faced with a community that often disagrees and lashes back at you, Monica would simply write to me and say “Well what are they doing?” The words of Marsha P. Johnson followed, “Pay it no mind.”

Four years later, while I had a readership in the thousands, I talked less often to Monica. An occasional comment or words of acknowledgment on our latest post to each other, happy birthdays, or the occasional checking in. As our community gained more visibility, more gender options on FB, another portion of our trans community, genderqueer and non-binary, became more outspoken. I retreated more and more from writing on transgender issues but stayed in contact and up to date with Monica’s articles and her numerous achievements over the years. Wherever there was a lack of unity in our community in race, gender identity, or political differences, Monica was there for the conversation to be had. Never wavering, never backing down. Always ready for the debate. The conversation. The opportunity to speak truth to power.

Now silence.

News articles from around the globe began filling my newsfeed. Monica Roberts dies Oct. 5th, 2020. Yes, this is now becoming real. Yet there’s one thing that angers me, breaks my heart, as well as simultaneously inspiring me; her last post on Facebook. In Texas, early voting starts Oct. 13th and she was impatiently waiting for that day.

Yes, I thought, that’s Monica. She spoke often of using our voice and how casting our vote is the greatest example of that. I know from her words, our correspondences, her writings, that voting was as important as the first transgender person winning an Academy Award, if not more important. To see that post, and her longing to let her voice be used against the current tyranny and oppression we all as Trans people find ourselves in, was heartbreaking. Knowing she will never get to make that vote.

How do we honor someone in our community, that for years, has honored us? Help give us a voice, as well as taught us how to use ours? Vote! I don’t know Monica’s history or what gave her the drive, but she loathed a bully of the oppressed. She spoke out, often, and with a fierce determination. The countless words of condolences that poured onto her page reads like a who’s who of the trans world. She touched…literally…every corner of Trans culture!

We all know how important using that voice in an election was to her. It’s her, I think that coined the phrase, Republifools, that many of us now use. For some strange reason, that I seriously don’t understand, she didn’t get that last wish. Only a week away I keep thinking to myself. Why? Only a week away. Why couldn’t she had just had that. Surely she deserved that at least God. But the truth of the matter is she won’t have that chance to use her voice one last time. So it’s up to us now sisters and brothers of the Trans community.

This Nov. 3rd, we must for Monica, cast that vote. We must unapologetically speak our truth at the ballot box, and with one unified voice, let it be known we are here, and that we will not be erased. We must, not just for our sake any longer, but for one trans sister who gave her life and every ounce of power so the world you have today in 2020 as a transgender person has become so much better than it was in 2010. We must, because the person that played the largest role in the past ten years did so for us, all we need to give back is our voice on Nov. 3rd. Be heard!!

So in the future, when a newbie asks, who was she, an advocate? Make sure you also tell them, not just an advocate, but an advocate for all the advocates. She literally kept our movement going. She was our fuel. She pushed us when we didn’t think we had anything to push.

My mind, lately, often goes back to that first major interaction with her when she first signaled one of many of my articles. After thanking her countless times, she graciously said to me over the phone, “You’re now connected to a sister-brotherhood across the globe. We stand together with one voice, lifting each other’s voices. Our visibility matters.” For Monica, let your voice be heard for your community this Nov 3rd., Vote like your life depends on it. Without Monica in our lives now, it very well may.

MOVING TRIBUTE VIDEO FOR MONICA ROBERTS. THANK YOU MONI, UNAPOLOGETICALLY